Friday, March 31, 2017

Musings of the 8th month

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Dear Muffin,
Last few months have been in crazy overdrive, and here we are now stuck with this whole bed rest. I can not believe I did not write to you for so many months. But then, I had so much on my hands, that writing was mainly restricted to content or articles or column or so. and I did not write for leisure or as a form of expression,

So it is December 15th, not even a week left till Atya's wedding and tomorrow Aai baba celebrate their fourth wedding anniversary.

How have these four years been? fantastic, in one word. Like every other marriage, we also eventually settled into matrimony and kept on experiencing all sides of it. There are highs and lows in every relation, and yes we did bicker, we did fight. A lot. But then we also made up, loved each other even more and grew up.
The wedding part of it does not last long except probably in photos, but the marriage is what remains. And marriage is what everyone makes of it. We are learning everyday, and growing rich in experience.
With your arrival on cards, we are looking at more learning, and more growing up. Everybody has been saying that children teach you great many things, and you experience your own childhood again with them. you grow up once again. I am sure this will be true in your case as well when you will teach us so many new things.

I am deeply convinced that parenthood is not an inate thing. You are never born a parent. You slowly grow into being one. The way is not smooth, not all rosy but not all scary as well. I am not experienced in this department, but nothing in this life is so extreme. Baba keeps on telling me that randomness is a part of life, and everybody gets to experience both positives and negatives. So yes, I accept that I am not a highly romantic mother who keeps on cooing sweet nothings to the stomach or who keeps on gushing with the thought of a baby. But then I am also not somebody who will hate motherhood or thinks what a waste of time and energy is this. I am positive and optimistic about the experience.

You have no idea how much it is taking me to write this as I stay bed-rested as of now. And the fiery spirit inside me does take control of me sometimes. I say all sorts of bad things, but they do not mean anything Muffin. They are just an outbreak, result of emotional upheaval, and hormones and all those bad pills. So I am sure that you do not take those things to the heart. And I am trying to be positive most of the time.

You know, I imagine that when I am angry or irritated, you feel very hot inside. And stressed about the fact that  Aai is angry. But when I am relaxed, chilled out, and happy, you respond, you feel like you are in a warm, loving cuddle. :)

Baba talks to you very often, and I also feel that you share a connection with him. Doctor Aaji who will deliver you and get you outside to meet us tells us not to touch you often. We have reduced it. But I still do sometimes, coz it is my own child. and there is a magic in touch which is not present in anything else. I am a person who believes in touching and hugging often, so you are going to be a subject to it!

Like we discussed last night, we dont know if we will be awesome parents. But I am sure that Baba and I will be happy and content parents. And happy and content relationships are most often very secure and amazingly awesome relationships. We hope that you will play a great part in this process of creating a happy family and bond us even closer.

Will write you again after some days.

Till then,
keep jumping, keep moving and hang in there!