Thursday, April 21, 2011

growing up -part deux

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its a phase I am in right now. well, we have always been in that phase- right from when you enter your teens till about eternity. point is these days, I have been experiencing it a lot, and in a very different way. 

I have already written a post called growing up here on this blog. so I am calling this a part 2. and this time, I would say that I feel I am almost grown up now. why? I can practically remember the various nuances of myself about 5 years ago, and I compare them with today's me.I don't know how to explain. But one of these days, you can frequently see me having a long philo chat with some of my close pals, remembering the old days and  having intense discussions about it. 
I have always been a very social person. have lot of friends, love to make new ones, love to attend social events, love to mix and interact. There is an interesting fact here though. all my friends, who are close to me in some ways, or say with whom i have shared at least some of my heart's content are older. none of my close friends is younger than me. and the age difference ranges from 1 month to 7 years! It was probably like this because I was always more mature than my contemporaries( wah wah! :D) and people older to me could match my sensitivity, or rater understand my sensibilities and sensitivities.  many a times I feel that I have the sensibilities of a generation prior to me and probably that's the reason they can understand me more! but that apart, i think I am thinking too much about life in general. And I am attaining a calm, composed point of view to look at life and all the happenings around. and that in fact in quite contrary to me age. I am turning 24, and I am supposed to be rambled in quarter life crisis. but that has not happened. I suddenly become very world- wisely. I can look at my life in retrospect and make quite a few comments on how naive i was back then.

when I say naive, i have to admit that I am pretty less naive now. the age and the city of Mumbai have caught up on me. And now I start doubting or questioning my thoughts back during 19-22. I was so headstrong and so firm on certain aspects, especially wrt relationships matter. and now, after being in a steady relationship for past 3 years, I suddenly question those earlier beliefs. I do not think what I thought back then was wrong. I am still sure about what I think, thought, do or did. but now suddenly my lens has become wider, the scope is bigger and i become more lenient. more things are acceptable to me. I am not so headstrong. 

I let other people take charge of their own lives. basically I let people breathe. Of course, it was never like I had captured them hard and forcing myself on them, but now it's an unconscious way of behavior. and that is why small things do not bother me now. My mind has become clearer with growing up. no doubt, the experiences I have gathered in past few months are also partly responsible for it, but yes, all of this is shaping me. and shaping me more permanently. I suddenly feel that the 'sculpting' age is slowly fading away, and though more open and wiser I am, it is here to stay. 

I take my own decisions, again like always. But I also have learnt to take the full responsibility of my own decisions. whenever I do something or behave in certain fashion, I am fully aware of what I am doing, but at the same time, I try hard not to let the 'impromptu' feel go! :)  and I dare to say I have learnt to let small things go! ( this could be a relative statement though!)

accepting the grey shades of life and people and relations and  behaviour has also increased. well, being a humanity student, it would have been sinful to categorize life only in black and white, I must say. but it's happening more. or probably life was always all about grey, I am watching it with a new lens. whatever said and done, I experience, understand and take greys easily these days. and that probably adds to my worldly-wise self!

not really sorted out, but wiser and thoughtful was probably a very random post, with thoughts spread all over. but it really reflects my current mood. not very stable and sorted out, but clear, at your face and mature! and the journey will continue, I am very sure. growing up part 3 will also appear on the same blog, keep watching the space. I always do. :)

1 comment:

swandya said...

छान..निखळ...आणि मनापासून...जसं...पावसात पहिल्यांदा पाऊल टाकल्यावर बरं वाटतं तसं...गद्धेपंचवीशीच्या जवळ पोहोचताना हे बदल अपेक्षित असतात...आणि त्यांच्याकडे वळून बघताना तर फारच भारी वाटतं...मी पण काही प्रमाणात अनुभवलंय हे...त्यामुळे गद्धेपंचवीशीच्या जवळ पोहोचलेल्या या माझ्या मैत्रिणीला गद्धेपंचवीशी नुकतीच पार केलेल्या गद्ध्याकडून मनःपूर्वक शुभेच्छा...अशीच मनापासून जग आणि मनापासून लिही.....